A Reflection on Suffering and Loss
About a year ago I traveled to Arkansas to see a dear friend who had been struggling with Lupus. We talked briefly as I was driving to where he was staying. On my way, he texted me the address for my GPS and I was good to go.
He apparently died only an hour or so before I arrived. His sister and I discovered him on the floor of his room…gone.
First was the shock as the ambulance arrived followed by the police officer and the coroner. Exhausted, I went to bed before the funeral home came to take his body away.
At first, there were the “If only” questions followed by these waves of sadness that come and go. I finally had a good cry when I got back to my home in Michigan.
I had started this article earlier, after the funeral and holidays, and then set it aside. The sudden loss was still too fresh. Now, at the end of 2024….
The motivation came when I was watching some streaming channel commercial and suddenly, very briefly, there was a flash of Tom Cruise flying upside down in the movie, Top Gun: Maverick, and here came the tears once again.
It was the summer of 2022 and I had started going to Arkansas for my birthday on Memorial Day weekend to spend a few days fishing with my friend, Tim. Top Gun: Maverick had just been released and was still showing in a theater in Little Rock. So we took a hot afternoon and went to the old Breckenridge Mall in Little Rock to catch the movie.
I remembered that place! Tim and I had gone there to see One Flew Over the Cukoo’s Nest with some friends back in college. Driving home with the top down talking about the deeper symbolism of the movie…. Great memories!
For both of us we thoroughly enjoyed the movie. Tim had mentioned that it was nice, for a couple of hours, to not be thinking about his pain or discomfort from his Lupus symptoms. Of course, once the movie was finished we hurried back to the house to catch an evening of fishing after the hottest part of the day was over.
The struggle of a chronic battle against a disease that slowly, mercilessly, takes away the ability to live life in the normal lane is a grueling battle.
Of course there are the prayers for God to intervene.
Silence.
The wilderness journey begins. An endless trek of clinics and doctors scratching their heads, chronic pain, necessary losses, restless nights…from now until it’s finally over.
Rest in peace, my friend.
As your birthday notification flashes on my phone I remember a time when we both smiled…and it actually feels good to pause and to weep.