I just read an article in Christianity Today entitled “Is Ministry Killing Your Marriage?” which, naturally, gave me an opportunity to reflect on my 30 years of ministry.  This is a topic that Pamela and I have discussed many times over the years.  Perhaps the most intense of those discussions occurred at the start of our marriage.  Consumed by graduate school, excited about following God’s call into ministry and newly married it would be an understatement to say that I was challenged by these competing agendas.  Over the years, with each move to a new ministry and the births of each of our two girls the time management discussions would resurface and intensify as we struggled to maintain balance through the transitions.

In many ways families endure many of the same pressures in the world outside of ministry.  Marriage and family are among multiple elements involved in the average family life cycle that are often sacrificed on the altar of our careers and other competing agenda items.  These are all common to the life of the minister as well.  Nothing really new there.

What makes ministry unique is that the calling isn’t from an employer, corporation or trusted friend; the minister functions on the belief that he has been called by God Himself.  Becoming preoccupied with a desire to fulfill God’s vision for him in ministry to the church in which he has been called is a real temptation.  Coupled with this is the competing agendas that swirl around him.  The minister must find his center quickly so that the tyranny of the urgent at church does not crowd out the important things in life.  On call 24/7 to the needs of any one member of a congregation can be a difficult thing to manage at times of full schedules and competing demands.

Realizing that one’s marriage and family are included in God’s vision in ministry to the church often takes time for seasoning to keep the important things front-and-center while delegating many of the urgent matters to others.  It means  adjusting by trial-and-error experimentation and constant communication with the important people of one’s family life.   It’s a process of seasoning, much like putting together and taste testing a complicated recipe for an extravagant dish.

While my ‘church’ ministry calling has taken a more auxiliary role I am now  fully engaged in my private practice as a licensed marriage and family therapist.  My primary ministry calling now is helping others deal with the setbacks that occur in marriage and family life in today’s world.  My hope is that some of the lessons I have learned over time coupled with my training and experience can be useful for helping others navigate many of the same challenges more successfully than I may have done.

Southshore Counseling, LLC. Helping people manage transitions, overcome obstacles and reach their potentialities.