The concept of self-differentiation is a key concept in family systems theory and it is a valuable tool for assessing the health of a family as children age. More than self-actualization as the apex of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, this has more to how a person relates to parents, siblings and extended family members. In other words, rather than being about the development of the individual, self- differentiation actually looks at how one functions within a family’s system.
Whenever we encounter times of turbulence and crisis we look for someone with a cool head and clear sense of direction to lead us through the choices we need to make. Indeed, we look for someone who knows what they are doing so that we can trust them to act independently of popular sentiment, political pressure or the fickleness of public opinion. When a person’s track record reinforces that he or she has made good choices in the past we tend to trust them as we move through the times of challenge and opportunity.
The concept of Self-Differentiation in Bowen Family Systems Therapy identifies this person in multiple settings beginning in the family. Stated briefly, individual health in a family system is contingent upon a person’s ability to “separate thought and emotion and to act mindfully rather than in reaction.” A person who exhibits self-differentiation within the family engages with family members without losing a sense of personal identity and the ability to function independently.
This aspect of family nurturing that straddles between the pressures to conform and the decision to foster independence and freedom is naturally a part of child rearing. Indeed, the family that fosters a healthy tension between ‘holding on’ and ‘letting go’ is in the process of helping their adolescent, for example, exist as a part of the family while also preparing him or her for entry into the world as an adult. That very independence, however, can bite back when children make choices that go against the values and norms of the family. Especially in times of crisis the centripetal forces for the independent individual to fuse back into the family structures can be overwhelming. The self-differentiated individual learns the best level at which to engage their family while, at the same time, protect their sense of self.
Beyond the family, this principle of self-differentiation carries weight in a variety of circumstances within organizations as well. True leaders learn the distinction between their own principles and values, those of the group within which they function and the shared objectives that bring everyone’s strengths together to accomplish a goal. When those principles and values are not clearly defined and communicated, the struggle of the group becomes much more complicated and vulnerable to lesser common denominators such as power and control. This concept of self-differentiation has always intrigued me as I contemplate the apostle John’s observation about Jesus in John 2:24-25: “But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people. He did not need any testimony about mankind, for he knew what was in each person.”
The following video is a helpful tool for appreciating self-differentiation and its power for the functioning of the leader within a group or organization.
The systems theories that underpin the training and experience of the Marriage and Family Therapist can be a useful tool to churches and organizations as they struggle through the inevitable challenges and opportunities that will emerge.